


Adymus

by Jodaneko



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Flashbacks, Origin Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 12:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19334245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jodaneko/pseuds/Jodaneko
Summary: Origin Story for Feitan of the Phantom Troupe, created for the HxHBB2019 as Misc 8.





	1. Promised Land

_She squinted through the wind and sand, her hair sticking to her sweaty face as she continued forward. She crawled on all fours, scrambling up the dune side as she tried to catch her breath. Gunshots echoed out as she ducked her head._

_Her husband gripped her hand as some cheers let out in the distance as their assailants celebrated another death among the escapees. They were all headed to Meteor City, where their turf ended and where their new lives would begin. What they were escaping from? A life of tyranny. She bit her lip and continued her climb, a simple nod between the two of them all that was needed to communicate their resolve._  

_They reached the top of the dune, and quickly slid down the hill, urgency becoming of even more importance as they heard the gunshots getting close, and the drop of a body even closer._

_They didn’t dare look back, it was no use._

_There was no turning back, literally. Their assailants wouldn’t be so merciful as to keep them alive, even if one of those people was pregnant._

_She briefly brought a hand to her stomach as she breathed in quickly, rounding another dune top and sitting in its shadow, the sand slowly moving her down as she closed her eyes. This was for them, the child yet to be born. The child she would raise free of the slavery she and her husband had suffered through. They’d live a good life and live it the way they saw fit, and she’d make sure of it._

_She opened her eyes again, reinvigorated to continue despite how tired she was beginning to get. The desert sun had not been kind, but she was not looking for kindness, she was looking for freedom, and freedom was not easily earned. She grabbed her husband's hand as he helped lead her up another dune. As they made it to the top, they could see the edge of the city, a straight away from the last dune, all they’d have to do is run._

_It looked like a haze, like it wasn’t real, but she knew she wasn’t that dehydrated yet. She revelled at the site, and went to help her husband over when he stopped, pulling her close in his last display of affection._

_“Keep going,” her husband whispered in her ear, a gentle kiss to the cheek as he started to back away down the dune, “I’m going to go distract them.”_

_“No,” she barely mumbled out, reaching her hand out for him, the unstable sand making her fall forward a bit, “we can make it together.” He smiled at her, strained and sad as he spoke once more._

_“You’re pregnant my darling, my love. They will shoot you down in the straight away to the city. There are too little targets for you to hide among any more, I will be the last death of today.”_

_“No,” she said again, hoping he would change his mind. He just shook his head and continued._

_“You are my light, my life, and all that I have lived for. In you is our child, and they hold apart of me, so you see I will be with you always. Be for them as you were to me, sweet and gentle and good. I know in that you will not fail. I love you both more than you can imagine. Now leave, before they see you. Run as fast as you can to safety.” A gunshot echoes out, and this time she knows they are only a sand dune away now. “I’ll see you on the other side.” And he lets go._

_She has to hold back a sob as she turns her back on his running form, fleeing the opposite direction towards the city. She would not cry, she couldn’t, not yet._

_She kept on moving, ran until she couldn’t feel her feet anymore. Any gunshots fell deaf on her ears as she zigzagged in the sand, kept her head down, body tucked in on itself, fighting to live just a second longer. She almost fell when her feet finally touched solid, unmoving ground. She stumbled, running into a stack of cardboard boxes as they tumbled to the ground. She blinked,once in shock, and then once again to bring herself to reality and looked up, actually looked, and she saw she had made it._

_Relief flooded through her at finally having reached her destination, but her body told her she had to keep going, and she had no reason to refuse. Her adrenaline was still pumping, and who knew whether or not she had been followed this far, it was best if she didn’t stay where she was. The people there gave her strange looks as she continued through the trash ridden streets, the crumbling buildings, the rundown alleys. They murmured to each other in a tongue she could not understand, stared as if she could not see them, bumped into her as if she had anything of value on her to steal, and when her body finally let her rest, she let herself fall to the ground. Her back and feet were aching, and her stomach was churning either from her child’s movements or her lack of food, that, she could not discern._

_It was all too much, but now that it was over, now that she was safe in this tiny, abandoned house in the middle of the desert, she could let herself feel again. But all she could feel was pain. She laughed to herself as she felt her ribs constrict uncomfortably, an arm instinctively going to hold her sides as she waited for the pain to subside. The physical pain, that was easy, she had dealt with that for years, but her husband was_ gone _, and he wouldn’t be coming back. This pain would not subside, not for a long while. Now it was just her and her unborn child, and despite being free, she couldn’t feel more lost._

_Then she couldn’t see clearly anymore, the tears just flowing from her eyes as she wept on the floor, crying from heartache, from the loss of her beloved. As the sun slowly disappeared from her sight, so too did her conscious._


	2. Closed Eyes

Feitan woke up feeling quite… unusual. He first noticed how sore his eyes felt, and upon rubbing them found them to be wet and irritated. Checking in a mirror nearby, he could see that the corner of his eyes were indeed red and slightly swollen. He… had been crying.

Feitan shook his head.

For what reason did he have to cry? This moment should feel more… joyous. He stared himself down in the mirror a bit longer before going to wash his face.

It was a dimly lit morning, the light slowly filtering in from the sunrise after his first heist. _Our first heist_ , he muttered to himself in his native tongue, then shook his head in an action that sent water droplets flying. The troupe had been together for a while, but it still felt weird to have to include others in what was happening. Usually they did small things by themselves, sometimes cooperating for things like resource gathering and what not, but that’s not what had happened last night.

Last night was the first large scale thing they had done, and it wasn’t done for anyone else but for themselves. It felt good, to finally do something not because they had to but because they could, because they _wanted_ to. He could barely remember a time where that had been the case, especially not when he had to grow up in Meteor City.

He heard knocking on the wall behind him and turned to face the person doing so. Nobunaga waved a bit as a kind of greeting before tucking some of his hair behind his ear in a notable nervous habit. He leaned against the doorframe, regarding Feitan’s red eyes with some caution before addressing him.

“You doing alright in here?”

“I’m fine,” Feitan said, waving a hand behind him as he moved back to dry his face. “Got some soap in my eye was all. Was irritating as hell.”

“Ah, I know that feeling. Almost like a bad omen... if we hadn’t already absolutely _demolished_ that place last night! Boy the fool never saw it coming.” He laughed to himself, the sound bouncing off the walls of the small room. Feitan turned around just to see them wipe a fake tear from their eye. “Oh right,” he straightened up, returning to a quieter tone to match the morning, “Boss said we’ll be going through and sorting out the goods soon. Looks like we’ll be taking turns choosing what we want by the order we come in, which I guess makes me first automatically, huh?”

“Those lousy numbers we were assigned doesn’t mean anything,” Feitan remarked, throwing his towel to the side as he moved past Nobunaga.  “He meant whoever arrived first, idiot.” It didn’t take long for Nobunaga to process that before he was sprinting down the hallway, Feitan jogging lightly behind him as he yawned into his hand. This was too much energy to exert for it still being this early. He rounded the corner he had seen his friend disappear behind and saw only a few others in the room with the stolen goods. Chrollo being one of them.

Feitan huffed to himself before walking over to him, politely waving back as Chrollo saw him approach. He sat down next to him, quietly watching Nobunaga express his frustration at losing first pick by the presence of Franklin and Machi, whom both teased him endlessly about his misinterpretation. After a while, Chrollo spoke up, leaning towards him only slightly as he began in Feitan’s native language.

“ _You don’t look like you’ve slept well little brother. Is something bothering you?”_

He rolled his eyes despite knowing Chrollo wasn’t looking. He crossed his arms and leaned further back into his seat, a little irked he had noticed. “ _It’s nothing, just a bad dream is all.”_ Chrollo looked a bit worried at the mention of a bad dream, but Feitan just shrugged and looked away from him, not wanting to let him know it had unnerved him as well. “ _Relax, I don’t really remember it anyways. Let’s just celebrate our victory while it lasts.”_

At that, Chrollo smiled and patted him on the back. “I suppose you’re right. Would you like to round up the others?” Switching back to their common tongue, the other members looked up from where they were sitting on the other side of the hoard.

“We wouldn’t lose our spots in the bid would we boss?” Franklin asked, moving to stand.

“No, of course not. I know who entered first.” He smiled reassuringly as Franklin contemplated for a bit before nodding. He headed back to the hallway he and Nobunaga had come from, his voice booming down the corridors as he announced the meeting to everyone who was still fast asleep.

“Kind of reminds you of our first group steal doesn’t it?” His brother said in a nostalgic voice, and Feitan hit him in the arm lightly.

“You mean the one where you rock-paper-scissor’d Phinks out of his extra bread loaf?”

“Hey,” Chrollo laughed, pushing him back, “that was for you and mom, and don’t you forget it.”

“Sure, sure. You just liked the praise.” He stuck out his tongue at him, and Chrollo returned the gesture, before they both laughed to themselves. As more people came stumbling into the hall, some only barely awake and others who didn’t look like they slept at all. His brother kept a keen eye out on what order they came into the room, bringing an end to their conversation for the time being.

Chrollo stood up once they were all gathered, the chatter that had made itself present in the room dissipating immediately. The other five founders of the group, and their two rookies, Phinks and Kortopi, listened intently as his brother started talking about the heist: what good they had done in reminding the upper class of their place and for them to not be so greedy. As he continued on in his spiel, something he had become very good at, Feitan’s mind wandered. He recalled a time where the first person he’d share anything he had gotten would be with his mom. He smiled to himself as he envisioned her smile, the sun shining over her shoulder, accentuating the sweat from a long day of toil. She had long given up trying to stop them from stealing, instead simply advising them on how to stay discreet and how to go unnoticed. Chrollo had honed his sweet talking skills while Feitan had just gotten more agile and quick as time went on. Together, they had been able to help out their mom and live a fairly comfortable life with her.

He smiled to himself thinking about it all, wishing it could be that simple once again. He looked back up at his brother talking, smile disappearing just a bit. He knew it was impossible though; this is the life they had chosen.

Chrollo looked back him just then and smiled. “Feitan, you’ll be fourth.”

He nodded his head in confirmation, before his brother turned to the next person in the order. Internally, he sighed to himself. Just his luck to have one bad omen after another, first the nightmare and now a cursed number, maybe they’d cancel each other out before anything would actually happen? Not that he was really the superstitious type, but it never hurt to be weary of it. As he tuned back into the end of Chrollo’s speech, he heard that among the treasures they had accumulated, they were only allowed claim one item for themselves. The rest would be sold and auctioned off and converted into money, from there the group would get a portion, while the rest would be funneled back into the economy of Meteor City. Everyone nodded, a few murmurs arising as Franklin stood up to pick his prize.

Chrollo sat down next to him again, and watched as the other troupe members looked on from their spots to see what they might want to get. “So, how was my speech?”

“Boring. I zoned out right after you started.” He said gruffly, not intending to lie.

“Wow, I thought I had done pretty well.” His brother pouted, “Was it something I said?”

“When you grow up around a charismatic person, you kind of grow a little numb to this type of thing I’d think.” Feitan shrugged, joining in on the clapping as Franklin chose a nice ring from the pile, Phinks letting out an aggravated sigh. Machi was quick to step forward, and grab an engraved sewing needle near the bottom of the pile, eliciting another round of applause as Nobunaga stood up. As he poked around the pile, Feitan spoke up again, switching to his native tongue, just in case.

_“Brother, if I may ask, why didn’t you choose an item first?”_

His brother laughed before replying, clapping as Nobunaga picked an ancient looking, decorated dagger. _“That’s because I already chose something.”_ Before he could ask what, Chrollo pushed him off his chair and forward.

At this, he became suddenly aware of the eyes on him, and he straightened up, slowly moving towards the center of the room.

While he’d like to say he was immune to the pressure of their gaze, he wasn’t. He swallowed, looking at the pile as he searched for what he might want. The leather books held no interest to him as they were in another language, the jewels only glittered for a while before one grew bored of them, especially in his more nomadic lifestyle, and with that, furniture was almost useless to him. Besides, any of the hideouts he already had we’re furnished with his necessities.

He could hear some of the members antagonizing him for being indecisive, but he ignored them as he continued to shift through the items. He flinched as a piece of jewelry flashed into his eyes, but then he paused. He looked at the golden light again and subconsciously grabbed for it. As he pulled it out, he could see the details better.

It was a golden, halo like thing. Something one could put on the back of their head to portray a religious figure. Before he could decide whether or not he actually wanted it, the troupe began clapping, and despite him not really caring for it, he walked back to his spot as Kortopi plopped down to the ground from where he was and trotted over.

As he sat back down, looking at his item curiously, Chrollo nudged him a bit in the shoulder. He looked up to find his face a little closer than he expected, and he moved away just a bit before asking what he wanted.

_“That’s not typically something you’d go for.”_

_“It’s not.”_ He affirmed, and went back to looking at it when a realization hit him. _“Besides, it’s not for me.”_ He saw out of the corner of his eye that Chrollo’s head tilted to the side in a questioning manner, but he ignored that and waited for him to figure it out, or maybe he just wanted him to ask for his own personal satisfaction? Either way, it happened, and after a small applause for Kortopi’s chosen piece, an antique vase with unreadable characters on it, he asked him, curiosity deeply instilled his voice.

Maybe it was a bit obscure now that he thought about it, but that didn’t stop him from replying with all the warmth he could muster, _“It’s for mom.”_


	3. Light's Proposal

_ The sun beat down on the residents of Meteor City as they milled around the streets, dealing wares, bartering, and getting to and from their job if they were fortunate enough to have one. Among such a dreary and poor population of people, there are of course those much less fortunate than the already unfortunate, and that’s where a lot of the orphaned children found themselves. That didn’t stop them from just being kids, playing around and climbing all over the place, but it also meant that they could make very stupid decisions. _

_ “Like thieving from ex-mafia members,” a woman thought, as a stray hand reached for her bag. She snatched their wrist in a quick motion and pulled them in front of her. Her child, still quite new to the world at the tender age of three, cowered behind her leg as she sternly looked at the ruffled, black haired child. _

_ She recognized him as one of the orphans in the area, but knew very little of who he was outside of that. She did recognize the look in his eyes though, desperate and looking for opportunity, no matter the cost. Looking both ways, she quickly dragged the boy into an alleyway, her child running after her to keep up.  _

_ Throwing him in the general direction of the alley, he stumbled forward for a bit before ultimately losing his balance and hitting the ground. Turning from his, she knelt down and opened her bag, and handed one of the fruits to her child, who looked at it confused.  _

_ “My light, would you give the nice boy this fruit?” She struggled with the still unfamiliar words of this language, but knew it important that the orphan boy understood her intentions. She watched him sit up on the dirt ground and look at her and her child.  _

_ While her child could speak both languages pretty well for his age, he was still awfully shy, and she knew this was a good way to teach him many lessons at once. “But why, mama? Didn’t you buy this?” _

_ Nodding, she pointed in the orphan’s direction, and he flinched slightly at that, but didn’t move, his curiosity sinking him to that spot in the sandy alleyway. “Because it’s important to share with people who need it. Not everyone is as fortunate as us, and we must share when we are given the chance. Never forget, treat others how you want to be treated. Our deity will see this and give us many blessings in life.” _

_ He contorted his face in confusion, which she promptly laughed at lightheartedly, but he nodded his head anyways and moved towards the orphan.  _

_ When the two boys were face to face, the children both studied each other for a while before the toddler handed over the fruit. “This is my favorite fruit.” A pause, the orphan reaches a hand up and takes it, slowly.  _

_ “Then I’ll make sure to enjoy it as much as you would’ve.” _

_ The boy gave him a big smile, giggling at his response. “I’m Hei Chen, what’s your name?”  _

_ “Chrollo, Chrollo Lucilfer.” _

_ “I’m three, what year old are you Crowo?” The other boy cringed at the mispronunciation, and the grammar, but opted to ignore it to instead respond to his question.  _

_ “I turned eight years at the beginning of February, so I guess you could say I’m almost eight and a half now.” The younger boy seemed in awe of this, and Chrollo took it with pride.  _

_ “And with no family to speak of?” Chrollo looked up and saw the boy’s mom behind her child once more. Chrollo looked away, as the genuity in her eyes was like looking directly into the sun, but he did answer, not wanting to be rude to the woman who gave him food despite him almost stealing it from her. _

_ “If you mean actual relatives I can live with, then no. It’s just me and the other kids looking after each other.” The woman thought on that for a while, before she leaned down and asked Hei Chen something in their native tongue, and now the orphan looked like he had just had a realization, as if he had finally put two and two together on where their accent was from. She paid attention to her child’s answer, who agreed with her suggestion whole-heartedly before she turned back to the other boy and smiled warmly at him.  _

_ “If you don’t mind, we’d like to offer you to stay with us.” Hei Chen moved forward and grabbed one of Chrollo’s hands to tug him forward.  _

_ “That way we can play together all the time! Which means we’re friends… but I don’t have any friends right now, which would make you my first one. Which makes you my best friend! C’mon it’ll be fun.” The child tugged at him again, and Chrollo hesitantly relented to it and stood up.  _

_ “I tried to steal from you, and you gave me fruit. You don’t know me, yet you invite me into your home. Why… why do you treat me like this? Why me?” He almost seemed concerned, and then that’s when she understood why. She had to suppress her laughter so she could respond properly, holding onto the side of the alley to keep herself from falling forward. _

_ “My intentions were to never confuse my child, simply that I’m acting on my sense of community. You remind me a lot of my late husband as a child, but I feel like, if I can help you now, you won’t make the same mistakes as him.” She smiled at him, and even though she knew it wouldn’t be enough to convince him, she felt like an explanation was better than none at all. “Though, fair warning, if you do take us up on the offer, you can not hurt my Hei Chen at all, understood? I want you to be a brother to him.”  _

_ “A brother?” He contemplated that for a second, and looked back at the toddler in front of him. The child waved at him before turning and burying his face into his mom’s leg in a sudden burst of shyness. Chrollo smiled at Hei Chen and ruffled his hair a bit. _

_ “I appreciate the offer, but I’ll have to decline for now. The other kids still need me to help them get by.” Hei Chen pouted next to him, his eyebrows furrowing in a funny way for a three year old. “But… if that invitation were to stay open and you don’t take up another orphan in my absence…” he looked between the child and his mom, giving them a small smile, “then I’ll gladly accept.” _

_ The woman nodded, picking up Hei Chen from the ground and placing him on her shoulders. “I can’t promise the offer will stay open for long, but I’d still rather you have a place to stay at night than you wandering the streets.” _

_ She turned to leave him with those words as Hei Chen started babbling to her in their tongue as they exited the alleyway, but just as the sun touched her face once again, she heard the boy’s voice call out. She turned back to see him catching up to her, the dirt on his young face making him look much older than he was. _

_ “When… when will I see you again?” he asked, an unreadable expression on his face. The woman smiled as Hei Chen shifted on her shoulders. _

_ “I’m at the market every day this week, so if you’re looking, you’ll find me.” _

_ Then she left, back fully into the sun and away from the alley.  _

_ After she turned the corner and was completely out of sight, another figure approached Chrollo, a slightly older blonde haired girl with a crooked nose. “What was that about?” _

_ “What’s up with your nose?” Chrollo asked, pointing at the bruise starting to form around her now very deformed nose. She shrugged and wiped away some of the blood that dripped out. _

_ “Nothing that won’t heal on it own. But seriously, didn’t she just offer you a place to stay?” _

_ “Yeah, but-” she punched him in the shoulder, causing the boy to wince. “Ow, Paku, what was that for?” _

_ “You said no?” _

_ “I mean, yeah? Only kind of, wait!” She paused her draw back, her fist ready to hit him again if she deemed it necessary. “I asked her to wait, I have to make sure everyone else will be okay if I leave first.” _

_ “They’ll be fine.” There was no question, she knew, and even while he trusted Pakunoda, he still felt anxious about it. “We survived before you came along and we’ll survive after you leave. Don’t give up the chance at steady food and a roof over your head because you’re scared of change.” That made him pause, and he looked at her again, and she just nodded her head. “Go, before you don’t find her again.” _

_ They stood there for a stale and dusty second, the wind ruffling some of the trash in the alley. She wiped her nose before punching him in the shoulder again. _

_ “Don’t pass this up, stupid, go!” _

_ He nodded, went to say thanks, but then thought better of it before darting out of the alley and catching back up to the woman. Pakunoda watched from afar, making sure he was fine before turning and leaving again. He’d be fine. She pulled out a flip phone from her tattered clothes and messaged her brother. _

**You:** mafia lady has chrollo

_ She stared at the empty phone screen for a while before a ping sounded and another message appeared. _

**Brother:** He’ll be in good hands then. She’s strong.

**Brother:** If you came back home, we could be a family again too <3

_ She scoffed and closed the phone. He knew why she had run away, but at this point it was more of a joke. At ten years old, she knew what her father thought of her, so better to make a name for herself alone then stay under his oppressive thumb. She opened the phone again real quick to send another message, knowing it was rude to leave him on read. _

**You:** proximity has nothing to do with family, only the heart does

_ And then she turned off the phone. _


	4. Rook

_ “Hey mom?” _

_ “Yes Chrollo, Hei Chen?” She paused in cleaning the dishes and looked back at the boys: Chrollo now much thicker, his ribs no longer poking through his skin. Hei Chen, her little Chen Chen, growing so well but still so shy as he hid behind his brother. _

_ “We got something for you.” Chrollo said, nudging Feitan out from behind him, who stumbled forward just a bit, a small package enclosed in brown paper in his hands.  _

_ “You didn’t steal this, did you?” They shook their heads vigorously as she eyed them both with suspicion before smiling, “What am I talking about, you guys only do that with food. Now, what’d you bring me?” She asked, kneeling down to their height. _

_ “Well, Feitan found it-” Chrollo started, getting quickly interrupted by the other. _

_ “But big brother bartered for it-” _

_ “-but Feitan really convinced him-” _

_ “-and he was impressed by our skills-” _

_ “-we had to do some work for him cause we didn’t have enough-” _

_ “-it was really fun mama-” _

_ “-he worked really hard-" _

_ “-big brother lifted a lot of really heavy stuff, it was so cool-” _

_ “-when we were done, the shopkeep found us some wrapping paper-” _

_ “-there were prettier designs but this one was free-” _

_ “-and after he wrapped it, we got to take it home as our reward.” _

_ Their mom nodded through it all, patting both of their heads when they had finished. She felt her heart warming at the thought of it all and looked at them both beaming at her. In their eyes, she didn’t see any weariness, but their bodies certainly did from the dirt and raggedness  _

_ “I’m so proud of you boys, learning about the value of hard work just to give a gift to your mom. I hope it wasn’t worth too much.” They shook their heads again as Feitan handed over the package.  _

_ “We just wanted to get you something for your birthday, because you always get stuff for us but not for yourself.” She took the package delicately, turning it over in her hands for a bit before looking back at her children.  _

_ “It’s my job to look after you two and give you gifts, especially as your mother, okay?” After they nodded, she returned her focus to the package in front of her. She opened it slowly, folding back the wrappings one layer at a time to find a tiny box nestled inside. Putting asides the wrappings, as she could definitely use those for something later, she opened the box and opened her mouth in a silent gasp at the gift inside. _

_ It was a tiny locket, made almost exclusively of silver and gold. She looked back up at them, shocked beyond words, and saw them motioning for her to open it. Her heart melted at their smiles as they waited for her to follow their instructions. She looked back down at the locket, and opened it as carefully as she could, and found she had to actually put a hand over her mouth to keep from sobbing aloud at what was inside. _

_ There, she saw a picture of her husband on the one side of the locket and a picture of her children on the other. _

_ “We didn’t want to cut up your photo of dad, so we took a picture of it using a polaroid camera we found in the dump area.” Chrollo explained as he saw her studying it, stroking the pictures inside the locket. “Thankfully it turned out okay, and we even got a picture of us before the other kids used the rest of them.” _

_ “Mama, are you okay?” Feitan asked, approaching her and leaning on her knee. _

_ “Yes Chen Chen, I’m okay. I love it so much.” She reached forward and hugged both of them, pulling in Chrollo from where he had been standing, “I love you both so much. I’ll always keep this on me. Always.” _

_ “Always?” Feitan asked, smiling at his mother. _

_ “Yes my light, always. Now, you have to wake up.” He looked at her confused as the world turned black. “Yes, wake up.” The world swirled some more, until the last bit of light he could see was his mother’s face and then- _

“Wake up.”

He bolted awake, almost hitting someone as an audible “whoa,” was issued as he sat up quickly. A bit disoriented, he looked to the side to see Machi hovering next to him, her hands on her hips and her glare back in place. 

“Took  _ you _ awhile to wake up. You weren’t having weird dreams were you?”

“What? No!” He exclaimed, throwing a pillow at her, which she easily dodged. “Just was…” he looked away, kind of embarrassed by the subject matter, “remembering something from my past.” 

“From Meteor City?” She asked, curiosity piqued.

“Yeah, but I’d rather not talk about it.” He waved his hand as if to dismiss the idea physically. “Why’d you wake me up?” She rolled her eyes at him as he rubbed at his face, stifling a yawn before she decided to answer.

“Since you can’t even seem to tell time, you should probably know that we’re about to have our first full group meeting. We can’t decide just not to show up because  _ someone _ decided a nap should be longer than four hours.” He cringed at the number, but got up anyways, noting he had fallen asleep in his usual day wear. Adjusting his scarf over his face as usual, he brushed off some of the wrinkles in his clothing before unceremoniously announcing he was ready.

She tutted at him, but turned to leave anyways, and he followed her out the door, closing it behind him. They enter as Chrollo began toasting to the members, doing a wide circle and acknowledging each of them as he turned. 

They casually leaned up against the door frame, acting as if they’ve been there the entire time when Chrollo finally turns to them. He doesn’t show his surprised, but Feitan can tell he is in the same way a cat knows it’s about to rain. He acknowledges them separately, briefing over their entry into the troupe and their notable achievements while with the group. Chrollo continued to turn and do the same for each member, even finding some things to point out for Hisoka and Shizuku, their two newest members.

After them, he reached behind him, where a small glass of wine sat on a small end table. He raised it into the air, and toasted to the group, and how he looked forward to their first heist together. Everyone else grabbed for their respective drink too, Machi handing Feitan his before he had a chance to fumble for one. 

“To the troupe.” Chrollo said aloud.

“To the troupe.” They all echoed back together, raising their glasses as well. From there, they simply milled around for a bit, talking to each other like it was some regular party, acting like they  _ weren’t _ about to rob some rich man blind the next day. 

“So…” Machi started casually, looking away from him as if he wasn’t the only person standing next to her to converse with, “What do you think of them?”

“Them?” He asked her, not bothering to look her direction. He knew she’d answer his question, cause that’s exactly what she wanted him to do.

She huffed at him, adjusting herself against the wall as her eyes scanned the room.   
“The new recruits of course. Who else?’” 

He shrugged even though she couldn’t see it. His eyes roamed to Shizuku first, the newest addition, noting her bubbly laughter and naivety even from far away. “I feel like the girl’s too young. I don’t know why she was recruited outside of Chrollo not wanting to hurt Franklin’s feelings.”

“Oh yeah, he did insist on her didn’t he.” She took a sip of her drink, some strawberry cocktail with lots of ice. The ice clinked against the glass a couple times before she added on, a bit quieter than her previous statement. “Didn’t he find her on a mission, being held captive by the guys we were hired to take out?”

“Didn’t I just say I don’t know,” he hissed, even though he was beginning to recall part of a conversation he had overheard. “Doesn’t matter anyways. If Chrollo recognized her skills then there’s no need for us to worry about her.”   


“Then what about Hisoka?”

“What about him?”

“I feel like we should worry about him.” She replied bluntly, giving him a side eye. “Not for him, but for ourselves.”

“You think he’s dangerous?” He asked, turning to face her direction a little more. “To you or the spider?”

“Both,” she said, shivering a little. He looked up behind Machi and saw Hisoka standing there a little ways away, chatting on with Shalnark and Phinks. He seemed to sense his eyes on him, as the magician paused mid-conversation to look up at him, waving to him with a friendly grin on his face. Feitan was glad his scarf was covering his mouth so that Hisoka couldn’t see him grimace at the fake smile. He nodded back politely and then turned his attention back to the woman next to him.

“I guess I could see what you mean. Sure, he’s a compulsive liar and usually works alone, but he does cooperate enough when we need him to.” A pause, more clinking of ice and glass together. “Though, I’m guessing you’re saying this because it’s another one of your hunches.”

He didn’t say it as a question, because he knew she wouldn’t have brought it up if her fear wasn’t real. People like them hated showing weakness, and if she was saying something, he had no choice but to trust her. She confirmed his statement with silence, as she moved her eyes back to the center of the room. He followed her line of sight back to Chrollo, who was sitting in the middle of the room with Pakunoda, both of them in deep discussion over something regarding the upcoming heist.

“Could you get him to, you know, kick him out?” He swiveled his head to look at Machi again, a bit shocked at the suggestion. “He’s your brother right? I imagine you have  _ some _ persuasive power over him.”

While Feitan couldn’t deny that, he had also been present during Hisoka’s test. The test being him witness the end and defeat of the previous number four. He shivered recalling it. The number four never had a positive connotation, and really, Hisoka was only making it worse he realized, and he was beginning to understand what Machi meant.

“You know I don’t get to pick the members,” he said, talking into his hand now. “Besides, he got in exactly how he was supposed to, defeating another member. To kick him out would be going against how we’ve set this whole thing up.” He sighed, standing up a bit straighter as he stretched. “I know where you’re coming from though, I do. He’s already been here for a year and yet his teamwork never seems to improve, and it always sounds like he has an alternative motive.” Feitan shook his head, pulling down his scarf momentarily to take a drink. 

“Hm. It sounds  to me like you don’t want him here either.” He had to keep himself from choking on his drink at that statement. He looked around quickly to see that there was no one even remotely close to have heard what she had said, while Machi just looked away calmly.

He wiped at his mouth with his sleeve, racing for an answer to give her. He couldn't say it was  _ just _ him, even if it was. Admitting fear, especially letting his fear of  _ a number _ become known, was not something he was just going to drop casually. 

“You know I always prefered just the original members.” He replied to her cooly, hoping that the silence didn’t deteriorate the effect of what he was trying to say. “It takes time for me to get used to people, and much longer than a few meetings a year for anything like trust to develop.” She was looking at him now, searching for something on his face to give him away. He met her gaze head on, smiling a bit to himself as he dropped his last line. “I’m sure you understand.”

She couldn’t object, and he knew it. She hadn’t trusted him, or anyone really besides Chrollo and Pakunoda for  _ years _ , even after the troupe had been organized with all the original members, she was still wary of them. She had only ever opened up to him after she figured out they shared some common interests, and even  _ then _ it had taken a long time for the ice queen to melt. He finished the rest of the drink before setting it on a table nearest him as he turned back to face Machi.

“I will talk to Chrollo though. I’ll explain to him your worries, kept anonymous of course. It could never hurt to be overly cautious.” He brought his scarf down a bit, flashing her a quick smile. “Chrollo will do whatever he can to protect the spider, and if it means putting down one of our members, then so be it. We won’t let him hurt you.”

Feitan knew that last bit was unnecessary, but he knew an anxious Machi was never a good thing, and he also knew her long enough to understand it’s what she needed to hear. She smirked, finishing her drink as well and setting it aside.

“I’ll hold you to it.”


	5. Foreshadowing

_ His mother frowned at them from the hallway, the candle light behind her creating a halo effect around her head as he and Chrollo stumbled through the door, dirt and blood mixed together on their clothes in an unfavorable way. _

_ “What did I tell you two about fighting?”  _

_ Feitan flinched at the upset tone, but didn’t hide behind Chrollo like he wanted to. Now that he was five, he was becoming just a little more stubborn about these kinds of things.  _

_ “And it’s almost nighttime, where have you all been?” _

_ He remained silent, letting his brother, now aged ten, explain that he wouldn’t just let his younger brother get picked on and that they had to fight some of the other kids off to try to get back the stuff they stole. Even with the situation not being a good one, Chrollo managed to calm her down as Feitan watched his mom slowly lose the tension in her shoulders, her eyes eventually closing in thought. _

_ Chrollo took that moment to look over to him real quick, giving him a bruised grin as he grabbed his hand, which he had been unconsciously clenching too hard. “It’ll be okay,” he whispered, “you didn’t do anything wrong.” Feitan could only nod numbly, distracted part way by his mother who began coughing, the candles behind her flickering. _

_ “Momma, you alright?” He asked her, breaking his silence as her coughing fit ceased.  _

_ Their mother smiled at them. “It’s been getting pretty chilly recently, fall must be near.” She remarked, putting her hands behind her back. “Now, I’d give you more of a scolding, but dinners ready and it’s not going cold on my watch, so go wash yourselves up before it gets too dark, okay?” _

_ “Okay!” Feitan said, rushing back out the door. He almost ran into someone on the way out, dodging to the side at the last second as he rolled onto the ground. By the time he recovered from the jump, the other person had already walked their way over to him. _

_ “I do hope you’re alright Hei Chen.” The older lady, one of his many grandmothers here, offered her hand to him, which he gratefully took. “Though I must admit, all that running around must have finally paid off if you’re reflexes are that quick.” She cackled to herself a bit as Feitan dusted his clothes off, though it didn’t do much for the stains from earlier in the day. Feitan inclined his head like his mom had taught him to, bowing slightly as he thanked her for helping him up. She just laughed again, and hit him on the arm with her walking stick. “I’m basically your grandmother, you need not thank me. Just wish I was still as spry as you are.”  _

_ Feitan laughed too, though he didn’t quite understand what she meant. “Remember,” she said, her voice turning sagely as she looked at him over her crooked spectacles, “this whole community, 56-B, we raised you. We were here when you were born, and we’ll be here even after you leave us. You understand?” He nodded, not understanding at all where this was going. _

_ “Say it, say you understand.” _

_ “I understand Yao-Min.” He said politely, but barely moved in time to avoid her walking stick again. _

_ “That’s Grandma Min to you, now where’s your mom?” She asked, looking around. “I’ve got some medicine for her.” _

_ “For her fall cold?” Feitan asked hopefully. She looked back at him strangely, but nodded.  _

_ “Yes, that cough is going to get nasty if we don’t give her medicine.” _

_ “She’s inside with big brother.” She patted his head and thanked him. Chrollo came out then, dragging Feitan along to go wash up in the fountain as the grandmother said her hello to Chrollo. He hastily replied as he jogged around the corner with Feitan right behind him. They took their time washing up, his brother making sure he even cleaned behind his ears because “that’s where the dirt most likes to hide.” The sun had gone completely down by the time they returned, only the moonlight helping them back as they raced back home. _

_ When they got back, Yao-Min was still there, stirring the pot in the kitchen. She turned and gave them a toothy smile. “That medicine was putting your mom to sleep, so she told me to make sure you two ate before going to lay down. Now get your bowls over here so I can go back home and sleep too.” _

_ “Yes Y-,Grandma Min.” Feitan said quietly, Chrollo echoing as they both grabbed their dishes to be filled. _

_ “Now make sure not to wake up your mom, she needs all the rest she can get. Chrollo, if she needs anymore of that medicine, it’ll be in the bag in the cupboard, okay?” _

_ He muffled an ‘okay’ with his mouth full and she nodded, gathering her things before leaving. The edges of Feitan’s vision felt wobbly again, and now he was kind of getting the hang of what was going on. This time he willed his eyes… _

...open. The light filtered in above him from the barely awake sun outside, dust particles dancing in the faint light as they floated peacefully across the room. He rolled onto his side and checked his phone for the time. He grunted at the time reading, moving to get up anyways despite it being six in the morning. After washing his face and getting properly dressed, scarf and all, he headed down to the main space of the place they were using.

This time, they had set up camp in what used to be a community center for the public, the faded murals and children drawings on the wall indicative of the last time it had been used properly. It had become very rundown since the nearby coal mines had been turned to ruin and the land marked as unlivable. As he was walking, he was unsurprised to come across Pakunoda who was well known not only for her insomnia but also her early bird habits.

_ A bad combo,  _ he thought to himself as he approached her. She made eye contact with him, greeting him quietly as she joined him on his walk towards the cafeteria, the place they had chosen to put all their stolen goods from the night before.

“You’re not usually up this early,” she stated, a hint of concern evident in her voice. “Did you sleep alright?”

“Yeah, I did.” He said, not bothering to mention his flashbacks, which had only been getting more and more vivid recently. Sometimes he had control, but usually he was just along for the ride, reliving his childhood memories. If they were trying to tell him something, he couldn’t figure out what. 

They turned the corner, steps in sync as they moved down the last corridor.

“Did you sleep at all? It looks like the bags under your eyes are getting worse.” She put a hand up to his face, feeling how swollen it was.

“I’ll sleep when we’re finished here.” 

They finished out the rest of their journey in content silence, the sound of squabbling reaching their ears right before they opened the door.

“If it’s going to be even, then everyone should get a sapphire,” Kortopi insisted, gesturing to the pile to his right. “There are thirteen, meaning we all get one.”

“They’re all different costs though,” Phinks said, “Do you think my clothes are cheap? I pay a fortune to look as good as I do.”

“They should give you your money back Mr. Gucci Tracksuit,” Shalnark retorted, snickering to himself before getting to his own punchline. “That’s a face only a mother could love.”

“Hey!” Phinks exclaimed before noticing them in the doorway. “C’mon, one of you guys have gotta’ be on my side.”

“He’s right you know,” Pakunoda said, striding across the room to them, Feitan following closely behind her. “If you’re going to spend 500,000 Jenny on clothes, you might as well buy a good suit, not athletic wear.”

Kortopi and Shalnark laugh, causing Phinks to go red in the face as he struggles to come up with a retort. He locked eyes with Feitan, and he knew what was coming next. “C’mon Fei, not you too?”

He sighed, walking over to Phinks and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Of course not, your fashion sense isn’t bad…” He smirked as he looked straight at Shalnark, “it’s atrocious.” The pastel blonde knocked himself over in laughter, falling on the floor from where he had been sitting, Kortopi flopping to the floor besides him, and Pakunoda’s laugh turning into a cough as she tried to cover it up.

“Man, forget y’all, don’t come crying to me if the gem costs end up uneven.”

“They amount will still end up even, even if the number of gems don’t,” Chrollo said, appearing behind him. He suppressed the urge to jump to the side at hearing him so close, simply greeting him as if this was normal.

“Morning Chrollo.”

“Morning, is everyone else not awake yet?”

“Nope, guess that heist really pushed us, didn’t it Kortopi?” Shalnark nudged the shorter one a bit, getting him to nod along ecstatically. “But hey boss, we’ve essentially got all the piles sorted after we assign the sapphires, so can we just take whatever pile we want?”

Chrollo nodded tiredly and they quickly distributed the last gems before talking about which one they wanted. “Phinks, aren’t you usually asleep at this time?”

“Yeah,” he admitted, quickly motioning to Shalnark and Kortopi with his head, “but I wanted to keep an eye on them while they were sorting them out.”

“How very responsible of you, thanks for doing that.” Chrollo patted Phinks on the shoulder before walking over to them and looking at the pile of gems himself. The blonde simply followed their leader, a little embarrassed by the compliment as he muttered to himself about it not being a big deal.

As they walked away from him and Pakunoda, she knelt down next to him, which he would’ve usually would’ve taken offense to if she hadn’t immediately went to hand him something.

“I had a dream last night… a premonition one might say. If something happens to me, I want you to call this number.”

“What, why?” He didn’t go to take the card, only looking at her incredulously. “What’s wrong? Whatever it is, the troupe can help.” She laughed a bit shakily, looking away to the members squabbling over the gem pricing.

“No, no… I don’t think they’ll be able to.”

“But I will?”

She looked back at him, and smiled in such a sad way that he felt something in his gut churn. “No, not really. But it would put my mind at peace if you were to take this. I gave one to Machi too, for security purposes.”

“Why me and not to Chrollo? Surely he has a better chance at surviving than I do.”

“I think you underestimate your will to live.” He gave her a look of speculation. He turned to see that the four other troupe members were still quite engrossed in… whatever they could possibly be talking about. Without looking back at her, he motioned her to follow him. They went back into the hallways, closing the door and effectively shutting off the sound from inside. He didn’t stop walking.

He couldn’t tell if it was his nervous energy  _ (why was he nervous?)  _ or because he wanted to physically escape  _ (it’s not like he had felt like he was going to suffocate) _ , but he didn’t stop till they were outside. Even when he looked behind him, Pakunoda was still there, calmly waiting for him to do whatever he had lead her out there for.

“What did you mean by that?”

“By what?”

“Underestimating my will to live? Wouldn’t Chrollo want to live just as much as the rest of us?”

“His life is with the spider. If he has to be sacrificed for that to continue, he will do that. You know this.” Feitan hesitated. He had never wanted to think his brother would just leave him, but this was the thing he had made, what gave him his mark in the world. Chrollo wouldn’t let that die if he had the choice to. Even if that meant abandoning him.

He froze, and Pakunoda might’ve sensed that, as she went over and put a hand on his shoulder, continuing her statement. “You though, you will continue to fight to live another day no matter what it means. Both you and Machi will, that’s why you guys always got along. Besides, I trust you’ll do this even if it hurts you to.”

She laughed as he wrinkled his nose at that. “We know Chrollo is very soft on the inside despite his tough exterior; this would be too much for him. Besides, being the leader comes with its own set of burdens, and he has to look out for everyone. It’d be selfish of me to ask him to do this.” He felt his face relax, but he still had one more thing to ask.

“What’s the card for?”

She reached back into her pocket for the card. He took it this time, reading a phone number in her curvy handwriting with a note saying, “In Case of Emergency.”

“It’s a contact to… my brother. My blood brother.” He looked up at that. Feitan had never heard of this before, in fact, didn’t even know such a person existed till now. “If I die, I want him to have my body, if you’re able to get it, so that he may bury me. I’ve already discussed this with him, and I have a plan for if he dies as well. It’s just a precaution that I must take if my premonition comes true.”

“So this is for only if you die?”

“Yes, or drop into a coma.” She nodded.

“I see…” 

“Don’t worry, it’s only if the worst happens.”


	6. The Foreshadowed

These weren’t his memories. That was his first thought. He  _ knew _ what his memories looked like, and it was almost always from a third person perspective. This was from a first person point of view, and he…

_ Away from the bannister, she moved to collect their hostages. She didn’t speak a word, even though he saw himself and everyone else asking questions.  _

It flashes forward to another event.

_ She’s walking in the rain, the two boys that had been hostages walking ahead of her down the runway. They’re speaking to her, cheer in their voice and calm in their postures. _

_ “These people are good.”  _

That echoed around him as the scene changed yet again.

_ A blonde, the chain user, in traditional clothing, a chain linking his hand to Chrollo’s chest and around his body. _

_ “He’s just trying to protect his friends.” _

He could feel himself shaking his head. Tears starting to form in his eyes.

_ She nodded at the terms of conditions, verbally accepting the ridiculous rules. Chrollo looked almost disappointed before a jabbing pain went through her chest, a chain squeezing her heart.  _

This, couldn’t be true.

It was getting blurrier at the edges of his vision.

No… it can’t end yet.

_ She pets a kitten in the rain, her resolve steeling. This is the end. _

No.

_ Then there they are, all standing around her as she asks them her final question. She raises her gun. _

_ “Goodbye, my family. Please, let me be the last.” _

He surfaces, and there are tears streaming down his eyes. He can’t hear anything. He can feel someone gripping his shoulders as everything slows down. His eyes drift to Pakunoda’s body, falling so slowly. They had heard her agreement, she had shared information.

The worst had happened.

She was dead.

Shizuku checked her body, confirming her death. Phinks went to explain what was going on, but he didn’t hear any of it. He just started walking towards her body, moving Shizuku out of the way. He vaguely recalled saying he had asked her to do this, and together with Machi, they had managed to move her body into a nearby room, resting her on a swiftly made cot.

He took out the card he had been given and looked at Machi, who nodded at him solemnly to call the number. He sighed to himself, walking away as he took out his phone.

“This is Feitan. She’s dead.”


	7. Brother Bother

There was deafening silence on the other end of the phone, for a second he thought he had called the wrong number. There was a shuffling of papers on the other line, a quick dismissal with someone angrily yelling in the background. He heard the closing of a door and then he finally heard them speak.

“Are you sure?”

“Would I be calling you if I wasn’t?”

“No, I suppose you wouldn’t.” He paused, more paper rustling was heard. “When do you want to meet?”

“Don’t you mean where?”

“Oh, you’ll be coming here. I’ll pay for it of course, but I can’t leave where I’m at now or I’d get an earful from my boss.” He could hear the distaste in those smiling words, and knew immediately that him and Pakunoda were related.

“Sure, two days from now. We’ll keep her body preserved until then.”

“We?”

“Me and Machi.”   


“Ah yes, fantastic. I’ll set you up with your tickets and we’ll see each other then.”

And then the call ended. He couldn’t help but let out a deep sigh as he let himself slump against the wall in the corridor. Then his tears fell, and not even the moonlight was there to comfort him.

He felt himself moving through the next day, going through the auction and running into the two boys that were hostages, Killua and Gon. He recalls them running and them chasing after them, but then it all ended quietly with some words from Feitan, and a good thing too as most of Feitan’s emotional functions had shut down.

Later, he found himself in first class seats with Machi on a completely reserved aircraft. Pakunoda was put in a temporary coffin as they moved her, and no one dared say anything more than “We’re sorry for your loss,” as they went by.

When they landed, a chauffeur was there ready to pick them up, in a car big enough to fit them and the coffin more than comfortably. The ride was in complete silence, Feitan’s usual black garb made for fitting attire, while Machi had covered her vibrant hair with a dark veil, for both disguise and mourning. No one said anything to them as they were shown into an elevator, the attendant hitting the top floor for them, a whole 56 stories up.

“Who is he… Paku’s brother?” Machi asked aloud, breaking the silence that had stretched between them for almost twelve hours.

Feitan looked to the side, staring out the glass as he saw the city shrink below him. “I’m not sure, but he sure does have money, doesn’t he?”

“Then why was Paku living in Meteor City? She could’ve been living like this, in luxury.”

“That’ll be something you’ll have to ask her brother.” Feitan said, as the elevator began to slow down, the numbers moving closer.

52\. Machi looked at Feitan. “Did he seem nice?"

53\. “Nice enough to pay for everything coming here.”

54\. “So he’s rich, is he nice?”

55\. “I don’t know, just something else we’re about to find out.”

56\. They both looked forward, and as the elevator doors opened, they had to squint into the golden, fake light in front of them.

“Hello, Feitan and Machi I presume? You have brought my sister as promised, yes?”

Machi shielded her face, and stepped forward out of the elevator. “Yes, we are. And you are?”

“Oh right,” he laughed, throwing a hand into the air. “You weren’t the one who talked to me were you? I am Pariston Hill, three star hunter, the rat of the zodiac, and vice-chairman to the Hunter Association. A pleasure to make your acquaintances.” Despite the humble introduction, Pariston did not bow or do any other such pleasantries, but rather cut straight past Machi and Feitan to start moving the coffin in.

“This coffin isn’t at all my taste, but I do appreciate what you all have done, so I guess I can’t be too picky. You, Feitan I’m guessing. Help me move this into her room. Usually I’d have my assistants do stuff like this, but this is too personal for that.” 

Feitan moved to help him, exchanging a confused look with Machi before he followed Pariston’s lead down the hallway and into a room overlooking downtown, the low sun and flickering neon lights making it look phantom like. He moved her body onto the bed present, Feitan of course still assisting, as Pariston move to fold her hands over her chest, the white gown they had changed her into flowing nicely over the edge of the bed.

He turned around and looked at the two of them, and then, in what Feitan could only assume was a rare display of kindness, offered if they’d like to have a moment with Pakunoda. Machi agreed immediately, then blushed a bit in embarrassment when he laughed at her readiness. He ushered Feitan out of the room and closed the double doors behind them, and then continued back into the living room they had come from.

“You know,” he sighed, gazing out at the things in his penthouse before turning to Feitan, “I’m glad she had people like you and that woman in her life.” He gestured to the items around him, arms spread open wide. “I’ve lived among riches for most of my life and yet the one thing I always yearned for was for her to come home. She was illegitimate and my father could never own up to it, so she sought her fortune elsewhere, leaving me as the favored child with everything, and Pakunoda as the abandoned child with nothing to lose.” He walked to the back of the room, opening up a desk drawer full of letters. He picked up two of them and returned, his hand outstretched with one of the envelopes. “But from what she gained, she never forgot. Family is too important for that.”

He took the envelope, Feitan’s name scrawled neatly on it in Pakunoda’s handwriting. 

“She left this for us?” He asked, wondering just how much she had done to prepare for her untimely death.

“Well, a few of you. But if the others who aren’t here want it, they’ll have to pay a fee. If they really cared, they would’ve come along with you two.” Feitan wanted to laugh, just like how Pariston was, as it was kind of amusing, but the weight of the letter in his hand felt too heavy to.

“Now, I’ll go give this to Machi when she comes out of the room, and then you can have your turn, okay?” Feitan didn’t have time to respond before Pariston was gone in a shine of gold.

He didn’t want to presume why Pariston had worn such a sparkly suit, but he could only suppose it was his way of coping with what had happened. Feitan moved across the space, his feet padding silently across the lush carpet as he sat down on one of the many couches, a nearby fireplace crackling merrily as if unburdened by the events that had just taken place.

He stared at the envelope for a bit before flipping it over and carefully opening it. Inside was a  couple pieces of fine parchment, with no doubt a lengthy letter written inside them, but what caught his attention was a tiny square that floated out. 

He leaned down and grabbed it off the floor, and turned it over. The remaining light reflected off it nicely as he moved it in front of him before he was able to properly recognize it. As the sun officially set on the horizon, the log in the fireplace broke at the same time as Feitan, his tears running uncontrollably down his face as he looked at the old, beat up photo. 

When Pariston and Machi would come to alert him of his turn, they would see Feitan passed out on the couch. His eyes rimmed red and the picture still in his hand. Ever curious, Pariston would look at the image of two boys and their mom, and inquire what they could be celebrating, to which Machi could only reply softly.

“It was the last New Years he ever spent with his mother.”


	8. Castled

He didn’t know how he got to where he was, but did remember Pariston shooing him out of the penthouse the next morning with another ticket in hand. He wouldn’t tell him any other details than that, and he wouldn’t let Machi tell him either. He didn’t understand why Machi was staying behind if they were to leave together.

“What is this about?” he had asked, standing in the elevator as Pariston grew a bit solemn.

“Just know I’m not above philanthropy.” Is all the man said before sending him off with another chauffeur, a dazzling fake smile back on his face as he waved goodbye. It wasn’t until Feitan could no longer see the tops of the highest towers of the city did he feel his phone buzz in his pocket.

**Pariston <3: ** And don’t worry, my dear sister’s funeral won’t be anytime soon, so you can talk to her later.

Feitan squinted at his phone, and then rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing it right. How the hell had he gotten into his phone? He went into his contacts and edited out the heart on his name before responding back.

**You:** I don’t want to pay a fee to see her either.

**Pariston:** Well I suppose since you caught me red-handed, I can’t very well do that.

**Pariston:** Don’t worry. So long as we stay business partners, I won’t upcharge for anything.

He frowned at his phone and put it away. He took out the ticket he had been given and sighed, looking wistfully out the window as he approached the airfield again. 

“Guess I’m finally heading back home.”

A couple hours later, he was in his native land, walking the streets of places his mother had always mentioned to him. He walked to the address he had been given, an address he found familiar to him, and gave Pariston’s name at the door. The people there reacted immediately, treating him as if he were royalty, and Feitan might as well have been when he entered the place.

There, detailed on a long wall scroll, was a family tree of sorts. Each face and name sewed carefully into the tapestry, delicate strokes of his native language moving fluidly across it. His eyes wandered over to what he could tell was more recent, the colors far more sharp here than in comparison to the right side. He saw his mother’s face, but her name had been stricken from the record. But he looked back up at the tree, and then back down to his mom.

She, she had been-

“So you’ve arrived.” A gruff voice said from behind him.

He turned, and came face to face with a man that held a striking resemblance to his mother. The man motioned to the tapestry behind Feitan, looking at it fondly. “Family history is always something valuable to record, as it shapes us and tells us that we can endure in hardships.” He moved towards his mother’s portrait, tapping the place where the name had been. “Even if it’s painful.”

“What do you know about her?” Feitan asked, a bit upset by the implications. The man just exhaled quietly, looking up to him with solemn eyes.

_ “That’s my daughter,”  _ and Feitan felt his spine tingle at hearing his native tongue again, the accent so familiar to his mom’s, the overlap in appearance now making sense. “ _ Which makes you my grandson.” _

Time felt like it was at a stand still, and he could feel himself breathing, he could feel his very heartbeat, slowly thumping out a rhythm of life into his body. Then it came to him. Why he had been barred from his home shortly after the New Year celebration, the grandmothers in the district keeping them till late in the night before letting them go. By the time he had arrived, their mother was gone, with only an address on a slip of paper lying on the kitchen table. 

_ “My mother…”  _ Feitan said quietly,  _ “Where is she?” _

His grandfather stayed quiet, pursing his lips a bit before motioning him behind a wall of curtains. He followed obediently, initially unsure of what to make of the many people who kept bowing when they walked by, but then slowly coming to the conclusion he had been avoiding to make. This man, his grandfather, was the head of the mafia in his home country.

He supposed that’s where some of his odder tendencies had come from, but why had his mother escaped when she had- and then he shut down his thinking. It was too close to what he had just discussed with Pariston. Maybe that was why the rat had sent him here.  _ It also explains why he wanted to stay in touch as a business contact,  _ he thought wryly to himself. After passing through many archways and doors, they ended up in a lovely backyard garden, to which a slight drizzle of rain welcomed them. 

The man before him was not deterred by this, and continued his trek through the garden, not letting the obscure and winding path slow him down at all. Feitan, of course, had no trouble keeping up with him, but did take the time to take in the sights around him. The gardens were in full bloom, and while he couldn’t recognize a lot of the flowers, he could see that they were well taken care of. The ponds and small bridges they crossed over were done in such meticulous and detailed work that he was simply in awe with the craftsmanship. 

The longer they walked, the more worried he got, and the harder the rain fell. Eventually, they reached a tucked away gazebo, where his grandfather quickly knocked on the side of the arch before announcing his coming in. Feitan, unsure of what was going on, simply mimicked him, but understood once he had passed through. 

In front of him stood a beautifully adorned wooden shrine, sticks of fresh incense sitting off to the sides, something his grandfather busied himself in getting lit. But what did take him aback was the sheer amount of gifts on the shrine. Everything from fresh flowers to jewels and accessories, in fact, he very much recognized many of these. 

Looking at the picture in the middle of the shrine snapped him out of his reverie, in the chance that it wasn’t true. As his grandfather backed away from the shrine, the incense now burning on either side of the frame, he looked upon a young and solemn face of his mother. The religious crown pin he had gotten her from his first heist sat poised behind her picture frame, the golden rays of the halo shooting out, signifying his worst fear. 

A clap of thunder let out behind him as it started to pour, but he didn’t move, or even flinch at the sound. He kept searching, quickly finding item after item from each of his heists around the shrine, decorated there in some shape or form. His mind went blank after a while, and he was barely able to register his grandfather talking to her, talking as if she was still there. 

His trance was broken when he felt a hand on his. He snapped his head down. It was his grandfather's hand. 

_ “Your son has come to visit you.”  _ His grandfather was saying, a look he could only describe as love on his face. “ _ While I was skeptical at first when a family friend called saying they were sending him this way, I didn’t doubt for a second when I met him.”  _

_ “He’s just as cautious as you always were. Remember how you’d get when I’d introduce you to business partners? It went exactly like that I’d have to say.”  _ He chuckled a bit, shooting a quick glance backwards to look at him. “ _ So strong willed like you. All you’d have to do is look at the eyes and you can tell you two are related to each other. I’m sure if I could see his smile it’d look just like yours too.” _

Feitan grabbed onto the scarf covering his lower face self-consciously, looking away from his grandfather a bit embarrassed. The man’s hand retreated, and he saw him shift to stand up. “ _ I’m sure you have much to talk to your son about, so I won’t get in your way.” _ He looked down at Feitan, who was still kneeling on the floor.

“I’ll be right outside when you’re done.” He said to him, then bowed once more to the shrine before exiting back into the rain. When he exited, the sound of the rain seemed to disappear for a moment as Feitan looked up at his mother’s face. Inching a bit closer, he pulled down his scarf from his face.

_ “Hello mother,”  _ He started, feeling a bit awkward as he talked to the forever smiling photo.  _ “I’m sorry I never came to visit. I had your address, and yet I never visited.”  _ He tugged at his sleeved, looking towards the ground.  _ “Maybe I was a coward for never coming to see you, not that I didn’t want to. But I was scared. I never even used a return address for my gifts since I had always assumed you had gotten caught up in something bad.”  _ He looked behind him, and his grandfather was dutifully facing away from him, giving Feitan as much privacy as he needed.

_ “I guess I can understand why you left. I had a friend in a similar predicament. She just died recently too, actually only three days ago.”  _ He took in a deep breath, willing his tears back at the memory again.  _ “Her family is actually what got me here, and they didn’t really let me have a choice in the matter either. Not that I wouldn’t use the gifts I’ve been given anyways.” _

_ “I sent you my first from each heist we did. You remember Chrollo, right mom?”  _ He laughed to himself now, trying to rationalize how to explain what had happened to his brother.  _ “We always used to steal to make a living with you, but as you can see we’ve got a lot better now. We even go back to Meteor City sometimes to help them out.”  _ He paused. If she really was here, she’d want to know. “ _ Oh, and about Chrollo. He’s not here because he’s kind of got himself into a bit of trouble this time. Got himself cursed he did. Now he can’t talk to me or any of our old friends till it’s lifted. I know you always called him a fool, but this time it wasn’t really much his fault, promise.”  _ Then he stopped, and just kind of watched the incense unfurling into the air.

He wanted to say something else. Feitan wanted to, but his brain wasn’t being at all helpful in the situation. It wasn’t supplying any words, instead firmly insisting he use his heart. He sighed, the slightly chill air giving his breath volume as it curled away with the incense.

_ “I miss you momma.”  _ And he could feel the tears spring into his eyes as he said it, but he had to keep going.  _ “I didn’t know where you had gone, and the grandmas wouldn’t tell me anything. Chrollo looked like he knew, but I was so confused. Brother refused to answer me as well, and for a couple years I thought you had abandoned us, but I knew that wasn’t true. I always knew you wouldn’t do that, but I couldn’t think of anything else. The first item I sent you, I did it on a whim honestly. I didn’t even know if the address was still in use, but I did anyways.” _

_ “I insisted at some point that Chrollo do the same, but he always would just kind of dismiss it and say it would only be fit if I did so.”  _ He could feel the tears falling onto his knees, and he was doing everything he could to keep his voice steady.  _ “I missed you so much that I thought that doing so would aleve part of the pain I felt, would fill the emptiness where you were. I-”  _ He choked on his breath then, a sob ripping through his throat. 

“ _ I always held on to the hope you were alive, somewhere out there.”  _ Another sob, and he squeezed his eyes shut, the tears rushing out onto his face all at once. “ _ But you’re gone now.”  _ He desperately wiped at eyes with his sleeves.  _ “You’re gone, and I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” _

He looked up at the picture again, looking at his mother’s smile again as he barely got out his last sentence to her.  _ “I didn’t even get to tell you how much I loved you.” _ He didn’t know if it was sobs or his last declaration that caused it, but he soon felt his grandfather’s presence to his side.

Feitan didn’t know this man. He knew nothing of what went on between him and his mother and why she might’ve left, but he knew that he loved her. Feitan knew that he loved him, as his grandson. And that was all the reasoning his body needed to let go.

All the stresses from the past couple days, all the pain and emotions and  _ sadness _ , coming out all at once. He sobbed into his grandfather’s arms, holding onto his coat like it was the last thing keeping him anchored to this world. The rain continued to pour, the boom of thunder muting out his sobs as the rest of the world moved on. 

 

**_//End of Part 1//_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAM! Hello beautiful readers, as you can see, this is but Part 1 of what I wish to accomplish in this character's backstory. There is so much left to explore, and I'm sure you all have questions, so so many questions, and I aim to please, so I will indeed come back to give you all a Part 2!! But until then, adieu~

**Author's Note:**

> Go to the following link for some wonderful art by causticcurtsy!! [Click here!](https://causticcurtsy.tumblr.com/post/185761807026/%C2%BD-please-click-to-make-it-bigger-when-the)  
> Go to the following link for some wonderful art by kiwizoom!! [Click here!](https://kiwizoom.tumblr.com/post/185878307480/my-submission-for-the-hxhbb19-featuring)


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